So this is not a review. This book made me feel far to emotional to even think about thinking critically about it. So this is just a waffle about how it made me feel and mental health in general, particularly social anxiety so feel free to just not read!
I haven’t even run it through CAWPILE but I knew I couldn’t give it anything less than five stars. It was incredible. Solitaire was the first novel I read from Oseman but I had read Heartstopper Volume 1 the day previously which is what made me take this one straight off my shelf to read.
“I don’t ever remember not being serious. As far as I’m concerned, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain.”
My name is Tori Spring, I like to sleep and I like to blog. Last year I had friends. Things were very different, I guess, but that’s all over now. Now there’s Solitaire. And Michael Holden. I don’t know what Solitaire are trying to do. And I don’t care about Michael Holden. I really don’t.
Even though I’m 31 and Tori is obviously a teenager I felt like I identified with her thought processes far too much. A lot of them time, after she speaks to another character, she then calls herself an idiot in her head. Which is pretty much what I do every time I speak out loud.
This, I know, stems from my own experiences at school. Every time I would speak out loud in a group I would then be mocked. Which made me learn it is better to not to talk. Also, I could never trust if someone would actually want to talk to me because quite often one of the ‘popular’ kids would say hi to me and then their friends would fall about laughing because it was all a massive joke.
Which has resulted in social anxiety as an adult. I always think I’m either boring people when I talk, that I’ve said something to offend them, or that they’re going to think I’ve said something really stupid and will be mocking me.
Yes, I am single, because dating when you’re constantly thinking those things is really hard. I’m also constantly thinking I like my friends more than they like me and that I’m just a burden to them. I joined bookstagram a year ago and I still haven’t managed to make any proper friendships on there. I see people who joined at the same time as me having made all these friends and I still find it hard to message people because I think that I’m just wasting their time.
Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? I do feel like I fail at being a human person sometimes!
After I finished reading Solitaire (and after crying for quite a bit) I was in a funk for quite a few hours because reading it had brought up all these issues that I try and keep buried deep down.
So, it was hard to read but it was also excellent and I am now going to get my hands on every thing she’s written even at the risk of becoming an emotional wreck.